Have you ever felt like you are working hard but still not getting where you want to be? Or that you keep trying to fit yourself into a life that does not feel like yours? If so, you are not alone, and there is a better way forward. In My Tattooed Soul, author and attorney Aaron D. Paker shares a simple but powerful idea: when you know your real values and your true strengths, you can stop forcing yourself to fit the world and start building a life that fits you.
This post breaks down some of the most useful lessons from the book so you can begin applying them today. You do not need a special background to start. You only need a little honesty and a willingness to learn about yourself.
Failing is not the end of your story
One of the most freeing ideas in the book is this: failing at life is normal, and it is how you grow. We often hear that experts put in thousands of hours of practice to master a skill. Aaron flips that idea around. He believes that practicing at living, falling down over and over and getting back up, matters even more.
So if you have failed many times, take heart. Those falls are not proof that something is wrong with you. They are part of the process. The key is to learn from each one instead of simply saying “oops, maybe next time.” When you fall, pause and ask what caused it, then look for a new way to try again.
Step one: find your true core values
A core value is the deep thing that quietly drives most of your choices. It is not the same as the values you have been taught to list, like family, honesty, or teamwork. Those are good values, but they may not be your core one.
Here is a simple version of the process Aaron suggests:
- Start with a list. Find a list of values online. Aim for one with about 50 to 100 words to choose from.
- Make a rough cut. Circle any value that feels truly important to you. Do not overthink it. A helpful hint from the book: if you have to stop and think hard about whether a value belongs, it probably is not your core one.
- Group and compare. Lump similar values together and pair the ones that seem to clash. Then pick a single word that best sums up each group.
- Test with real choices. Imagine situations where two of your top values are at odds. Which one wins most of the time? That points you toward your true core value.
Set aside a few hours and be ready to be surprised. Aaron was sure his core value would be family or faith. After hours of honest work, he landed on something he never expected. Your answer might surprise you too, and that is a good sign that you are being honest with yourself.
Step two: name your strengths, even the ones that look like weaknesses
Notice that the goal is to find your strengths, not to list your weaknesses. Aaron is firm about this. Focusing on what you do poorly leads to negativity. Focusing on what you do well leads to success.
Your strengths are part of who you are, and they rarely change over your lifetime. You can find them through a strengths assessment, which names the natural traits you bring to everything you do. Once you know your top strengths, you can lean on them on purpose instead of by accident. As the book puts it, you can hammer a nail with a screwdriver, but a hammer works better every time.
Step three: discover your hidden superpowers
This is where the book really shines. Aaron describes a special kind of strength he calls a superpower. These are the unexpected abilities that grow out of life’s hardest challenges.
In his case, learning to manage OCD, ADHD, and bipolar disorder gave him real skills: fast problem solving, the ability to spot patterns, intense focus when it counts, and a gift for staying calm in tense moments. The struggles were real and hard, but over many years they shaped abilities that now help him every day.
Your superpowers may come from a very different place. Maybe a tough season taught you patience, or facing unfair treatment gave you a sharp sense of empathy and the ability to read a room. Maybe years of solving problems on a tight budget made you creative and resourceful. Whatever your story, you have likely built superpowers you have never named. Take a moment to ask: what hard thing have I been through, and what did it teach me to do well?
Bring it all together
Knowing your core value, your strengths, and your superpowers is powerful, but the real change comes when you combine them. Aaron explains it simply. Your core value tells you where you want to go. Your strengths and superpowers are the tools that help you get there.
When you hit a wall, try working through it like this: calm yourself, look at the problem from a fresh angle, find the root cause, map out a few possible paths, and then be willing to change your routine. This is how you turn a goal into a real plan.
A few honest reminders
The book is hopeful, but it never pretends change is easy or instant. Here are a few grounding truths to carry with you:
- Real change takes work. Knowing yourself is only the first step. You have to act on it, again and again.
- Be patient with the process. Some answers come in an hour. Others take days, weeks, or longer.
- You do not have to do it alone. Lean on people who support you. And if you are struggling with your mental health, reaching out to a doctor, a therapist, or someone you trust is a brave and important step.
That last point matters most. One of the strongest messages in My Tattooed Soul is that you are loved, and you do not have to face life by yourself. Asking for help is not weakness. It is one of the smartest and strongest things a person can do.
Start small. Pick one step from this post and try it this week. Your journey toward a more honest, more fulfilling life can begin today.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life. Support is available, and you deserve it.
Keywords: core values, personal strengths, hidden strengths, finding your superpowers, self-improvement, personal growth, finding your purpose, building a fulfilling life.